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Every year, countless trans women, especially black trans women, are murdered. A common defense is the "Panic Defense" where a murderer will claim the shock of learning a woman was trans set them off into a rage enough to kill, many times after an act of physical passion. Only 9 states ban the panic defense (as it is also used frequently on gay men as well). This also only takes into account the trans folk that are properly recognized by their gender identity. More often than not, trans people are subjected to their families will, and are forced to be buried as their assigned gender at birth and deadname, along with no recognition of the life they were living.
This song is an accurate representation of how I feel being in public surrounded by cis people. Every time I notice a cis man lock eyes on me for any extended period of time, I prepare for a potential assault.
Marsha P Johnson was one of the earliest trans rights activists in New York after the Stonewall Rebellion of 1969. She spent most of her life living her best life, and taking care of anyone around her who was in need. Together with Sylvia Rivera, they ran the STAR house for wayward trans youth, as well as advocated for the civil rights of all queer people.
Marsha is a huge inspiration to me to live my best life and give back as much as I can to those around me. She always used to introduce herself as "Marsha P. Johnson, the P stands for Pay It No Mind!" Her body was found in the Hudson River of an apparent homicide that has never been solved.
I repeat those same words, pay it no mind, anytime I feel in danger in public, and hope other people can find solace in that as well.
Thank you Marsha, for all that you've done <3
lyrics
Lyrics:
I feel your gaze
My body tenses, I know how this plays
Been here before
How you react, I can't be sure
I stand in front of you
But that's not good enough
You'd put me in the ground to showcase just how tough you are
You're insecure
Weak masculinity
Your bullshit panic defense will end up the death of me
Pay It No Mind
Yet still you gaze
I scan the room in case I need to escaoe
Will I survive
Will you lie if you're even ever put on trial
I stand in front of you
But that's not good enough
You'd put me in the ground to showcase just how tough you are
You're insecure
Weak masculinity
Your bullshit panic defense will end up the death of me
Pay It No Mind
Do I pass or do they know
Will I ever go back home
Was that my last kiss goodbye
These thoughts always scream whenever I'm outside
Will no one say my name
At my own funeral
May I never feel the warmth of my love's embrace
Will I be remembered
Or forgotten all wrong
Will he hate himself enough to murder after the chase
Pay it no mind
credits
released August 19, 2020
Composition, production, and vocals by Taylor KouqJ Bull
"Faggot" sample by Marsha P Johnson reading her poem "You Gotta Have Soul"
Mastered by Jesse Scott Kaufmann and Taylor KouqJ Bull
Photography and album art by Taylor KouqJ Bull
Album art model is Cameron Lamberson
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